update

I kind of like this blog. Either way, I win: if you read it, then you get to hear what's going on with me (or at least the songs I post to avoid saying anything explicitly). If you don't, well, at least writing it down is therapeutic.

Most of me is really happy with the way things are now: we're firmly rooted in the "friends who never see each other" communication zone, which is nice, because that is what we are. There is that part that wonders what's going on with you. It's a familiar feeling, one that kept me dreaming for many weeks last fall. It's a feeling that will eventually go away; I know from experience that if you starve it long enough it'll die.

Here's the new dream:

I love this song. If all else fails, I'm going to marry this song.

This is the first day of my life
I swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach

Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go
And so I thought I’d let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home

Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed
You felt as if you had just woke up
And you said “this is the first day of my life
I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you
But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you
And I’d probably be happy”

So if you want to be with me
With these things there’s no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I’d rather be working for a paycheck
Then waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time is different
I mean I really think you like me

--Bright Eyes

Unoriginal

The truth is, I can think of a thousand things I'd like to post here. Things that drift into my head. But none of it is my own words. So I'll just borrow a few from other people:

"But as my friend Claribel once told me, "Daniel, you could have sex if you want. The only difference between you and those guys having sex is that you have morals and values." That makes me feel better to know. Not that I think having sex is a bad, immoral thing. On the contrary, sex is honestly the most beautiful, intimate act that two people can share with one another. But it can also be quite an ugly thing of power and selfishness. I never want to allow myself to be in a situation where sex could become that."
--Daniel, another Middlebrook resident.

"Our problem with sex is that we haven't had time to spend together this year, and when we have that's what we did. Instead of enjoying each other's company in a more pleutonic way, we were physical. We had sex and lost our friendship."
--Meghan, an old friend who just broke up with Joe, another old friend

and yet, at the same time...

"I want so badly to believe that
"there is truth, that love is real"
And i want life in every word
to the extent that it's absurd
I know you're wise beyond your years,
but do you ever get the fear
That your perfect verse is just a lie
you tell yourself to help you get by?"
--The Postal Service